Golf's Unspoken Rules

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By John M

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  • 13 Replies
  1. John M

    John M
    Asheville, North Carolina

    Military

    GOLF’S UNSPOKEN RULES∗

    1) A golfer will return home at least 2 hours later then he/she stated to their partner that morning. 2) The golfer will blame slow play, a lost club or an unreliable friend for the delay in coming home. 3) Any golfer that tells his partner that the reason they were late is because the group played an additional 9-18 holes will be excommunicated from the group. 4) A golfer will never have enough golf clubs, golf shirts, bag tags or other golf accessories. Ever. 5) A golfer although well aware that the so called “hot lists” for this years new clubs are nothing more than glorified advertisements paid for by the manufacturers. Nevertheless, such golfers will ignore this fact and pore over the golf magazine in anticipating his/her next club. 6) Once the golfer has decided which new wonderclub they have to buy, said golfer will do everything in their power to come up with the money to buy the club, by giving up luxuries such as breakfast, haircuts or dry cleaning. Selling non-essentials such as lawn mowers, small appliances or other items around the house that the golfer thinks their partner won’t miss is also encouraged. Of course, those golfers who possess a credit card that their partner is unaware of are however, free to use credit to obtain the new club. 7) In response to one’s partner whether the club he is caressing in the garage is a new club, the golfer is obligated to respond-“no, this isn’t new, I’ve just been storing in the trunk of my car or oh, this club? I got this from my buddy Bob in a trade for one of old clubs. 8) Each off season, golfers are obligated to watch the following movies at least twice: Caddy Shack, Tin Cup, Happy Gilmore and The Legend of Bagger Vance. Golfers are strongly encouraged to watch A Gentleman’s Game, The Caddy, Bobby Jones-Stroke of Genius, A Gentleman’s Game and The Greatest Game Ever Played. 9) Each winter, the golfer will watch a few fitness for golf videos on youtube and may even get on the floor to try a few before returning to the sofa to reread the Hotlist for clubs magazine. 10) Golfers should fee free to take out the old spikes in their golf shoes to wear to the office. 11) Golfers should never be embarrassed by wearing golf clothes that would make Liberace blush with shame. 12) While it is up to a golfer’s discretion to cheat on their taxes, sneak into movie theaters or sneak into wedding receptions, under no circumstances should a golfer cheat by claiming a score they didn’t shoot, welch on a bet or failing to buy the beers when it’s their shout.

    ANY TEAMTITLEIST MEMBER SHOULD FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS LIST OF RULES

  2. No'l

    No'l
    Palmdale, CA

    John, many of these are pretty funny!! ...heck all of them are (LOL) I've done some of it, too, but I won't admit which ones- not this time :-)

    How about this one, The golfer Ron walks in the house and there she is, arms folded and the food is cold on the table.
    He immediately explains, "Gosh... honn, Bob was horrible with his chipping/driving/irons today so he asked to have someone take a look at his swing and before we knew it, it's been an hour. The sun was so hot out there today so he kept sending for beers after beers."
    So the spouse asks in a tight lipped and a one eyed view to him- you couldn't even see the red lipstick on her, "You two were out there figuring out Bob's golf swing and drinking beers under the hot sun?!?!?!" Ron replied, "Well, yes, Bob and the pro wasn't though."

  3. No'l

    No'l
    Palmdale, CA

    Hiccup.... (excuse me :-)
  4. Doug E

    Doug E
    Urbana, MD

    Sounds about right.
  5. Abdon M

    Abdon M
    Northern California (because it's a big state)

    13) With a golfer's need to purchase the latest and greatest equipment year after year, at some point, the golfer will amass quite a collection of golf equipment. Golfer's partner will demand that those "no longer used" equipment be sold or given away. However, a golfer has the right to retain whichever equipment golfer chooses just in case the "magic" is found again in those "no longer used" equipment. Or golfer can claim they are a collector and/or preparing to build a golfer's museum.
  6. Chuck Z

    Chuck Z
    Mt Pleasant, SC

    Military
    11) Golfers should never be embarrassed by wearing golf clothes that would make Liberace blush with shame.

    I personally cringe at some of the outfits that are worn on the course. Those JD Loudmouth outfits. NOT. Guess I am old school and feel apparel should be in good taste. Plaid pants or shorts with striped shirts and bright socks with the shorts that match nothing. Appeared to have dressed in the dark to avoid waking their spouse in the am.
    You see it all the time and it is like fingernails nails scratching on a slate board in a classroom. CRINGE..... With respect to all opinions.
  7. Abdon M

    Abdon M
    Northern California (because it's a big state)

    Completely agree. Funny thing is most classrooms nowadays have white boards instead of a "slate" board so, your analogy may not be understood by some. ;-)
  8. Tom B

    Tom B
    Northborough, MA

    Love 'em all guys, thanks I really enjoyed these. AND will continue to use them too!
  9. John M

    John M
    Asheville, North Carolina

    Military
    More- Rule 14. Know all the lines from Caddie Shack, Tin Cup and Happy Gilmore.
    Rule 15 Are allowed to get misty eyed when watching the last round of the 1986 and 2018
    Rule 16 Anyone over the age of 40 should admit to owning an Alien wedge.
    Rule 17 When tasked with watching the kids, take them to the course, driving range or in case of emergency a golf store.
    Rule 18 know that if you play a round by yourself, your regular golf buddies won’t believe you when you tell them your score so don’t bother.
    Rule 19 If you go on a trip and play a bucket list course, bringing back ball markers or pitch repair tools is classy. Failing to do that and showing up for the round wearing a bunch of logo crap from that course is grounds for expulsion from the group.
    Rule 20 If you a golf buddy is going through a divorce, you are obligated to take him out for a round and some food and beers
  10. george t

    george t
    Old Lyme, CT

    With regards to item one: my buddy is a chronic 19th holer whose wife would call while he was out on the patio having a beverage. His reply would be that he’s on 15, or there was a frost/fog delay, you name it.

    He and his wife’s went on a golf trip to England with friends and she asked after the first day, are there fewer holes at British courses, because you finished so much earlier. Whoops
  11. John M

    John M
    Asheville, North Carolina

    Military
    My response would have been that Americans play slower than the players from the UK.
  12. Erich F

    Erich F
    NY

    When I was working at a course as a bag boy/pro shop attendant, the 19th hole was both comedic and tragic. The tragedy was the couple of guys who got so wasted during the after round gin game they needed someone to take their keys.

    The comedic was the wife of the local "King of Pizza" diving up and honking the horn at 2:30 every Sunday afternoon to pick him up. You guessed it, he teed off at 6:30.
  13. Roger K

    Roger K

    #4 - "Just supporting the local pro shop / game / economy." All in on this one!
  14. B Casados

    B Casados
    NM

    I feel seen

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